Edited to add...
...as of today I also throw up in the mornings. I know you were desperate for this information.
It's all normal they say
Well, it's time for me to come clean and talk about what's really going on. I've been feeling sick to my stomach for about 5 weeks now and they say I will have to endure another month of the same. I'm pregnant, again. Don't get me wrong I wanted it and I'm happy about it but I had only about a week or two of happy bliss after that positive test and then was thrown into this monstruosity called "Morning sickness" - which is a ridiculous name for it since it strikes at all times and sometimes just stays and stays and stays. Actually I throw up at night usually and not in the mornings, which doesn't mean that I'm not sick in the morning. I am, I just don't get to throw up. It's fun, you see.
I'm at about 10 weeks and feel terrible. I apologize if I don't respond to emails or haven't sent any Christmas cards/emails or have neglected communication in general, but give me a break, I'm trying to survive!
I got a nice break from this around Christmas and yesterday was a good day too - just because we got to hear the hearbeat (more on that later), not in regards to my stomach.
Anyway, I tried almost everything they recommend (please don't email suggesting crackers - I'm WAY beyond what crackers could cure) and it had little to none effect. It's all a good sign, it's all for a good thing.. blablabla. I do know that. Never have I regretted my decision but feeling like you're going to puke any minute all day long for a month SUCKS. No matter how good of a sign it is.
My day consists of being scared how bad I'm about to feel and trying to find something to keep me from throwing up. Also I have to spend a lot of time trying to think of something I could eat, all the while I think food is just plain repulsive and if you think I'm just saying this because I'm sick, you're wrong. It's true. Food is bad. It's really bad for you. Don't eat it. It's my very own objective opinion.
Anyway, expect a lot of whining about nausea and toilets in the next few weeks. It's my site after all.
But back to what this is actually about... a baby. I'm trying hard to imagine what this means but I just really can't. I try to think about babies and many come to mind but none of the ones I've seen in my life were mine and so I still don't really know what that means. Hearing that heartbeat is just wonderful... but so unbelievable. So there really IS a human being kicking away in my uterus with a beating heart and all. I can't help wondering how it got there. You have to admit this whole sperm and egg explanation is still very shaky. Ok, chemistry is amazing... but a whole human being? No way. Yet... there it is...I heard it. I think about this for about 10 minutes at the time, then it's just too much and I conclude that throwing up is far more real and must be the main thing about pregnancy anyway.
Tune in next time when I talk about... more about puking and a little about what I'm afraid of.
Posted at 08:02 PM on December 29, 2002MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
I don't know about your fairytales... but this is what we woke up to today:
And the neighbor's house looked pretty too:
This is what Digby thought of the snow:
Get me out of here!!!
Oh whoever reads this... I wish you were here! Stuff like this is a lot more fun with friends and family. I hope you have a glorious Christmas!
Jauchzet Frohlocket!
Oooh... this is the sentimental time of the year, I can tell you. I remember singing the above in a short stint at a church choir with my sister. It was short - due to my already rather negative childhood experience with choirs, but nevertheless long enough to help me enhance my yearly longing for Christmas in Europe.
This is the time that makes me realize that what I grew up will just stick with me. I'm European... can't help it. Sue me. Indiana in winter (or any time of the year really) has very very little to do with a quaint little European town (or any quaint little town). And I will just never really get used to buildings made of wood and churches that can actually be heated to the point that you can safely take your coat off. There's just something wrong with that. You are supposed to be freezing during important, extremely long services.
Oh and I know that the long distance in time and space makes all of this reminscing very sugar-coated and irrealistic... but I also know that this is my privilege as an expatriate. I get to visit dear places in my mind and relive everything in picture-perfect pink - all curtesy of an immigrant's selective memory. Reality is removed and I can dream. It's nice.
Sure the real thing always ends up being better - but for now I take this for what it is and send you all warm fuzzy feelings - you who are in Europe and don't know what you have.
Posted at 09:49 AM on December 20, 2002 | Comments (3)Can you believe it?
I am back!!! My life, uhm, my website is restored and good to go!
I can't believe this whole thing took so long, but finally it's all ok and you can all read about me again. Many things have happened and I'll try to catch up little by little. In the meantime I should introduce our new family member:
Digby, the dog.
