It's all normal they say
Well, it's time for me to come clean and talk about what's really going on. I've been feeling sick to my stomach for about 5 weeks now and they say I will have to endure another month of the same. I'm pregnant, again. Don't get me wrong I wanted it and I'm happy about it but I had only about a week or two of happy bliss after that positive test and then was thrown into this monstruosity called "Morning sickness" - which is a ridiculous name for it since it strikes at all times and sometimes just stays and stays and stays. Actually I throw up at night usually and not in the mornings, which doesn't mean that I'm not sick in the morning. I am, I just don't get to throw up. It's fun, you see.
I'm at about 10 weeks and feel terrible. I apologize if I don't respond to emails or haven't sent any Christmas cards/emails or have neglected communication in general, but give me a break, I'm trying to survive!
I got a nice break from this around Christmas and yesterday was a good day too - just because we got to hear the hearbeat (more on that later), not in regards to my stomach.
Anyway, I tried almost everything they recommend (please don't email suggesting crackers - I'm WAY beyond what crackers could cure) and it had little to none effect. It's all a good sign, it's all for a good thing.. blablabla. I do know that. Never have I regretted my decision but feeling like you're going to puke any minute all day long for a month SUCKS. No matter how good of a sign it is.
My day consists of being scared how bad I'm about to feel and trying to find something to keep me from throwing up. Also I have to spend a lot of time trying to think of something I could eat, all the while I think food is just plain repulsive and if you think I'm just saying this because I'm sick, you're wrong. It's true. Food is bad. It's really bad for you. Don't eat it. It's my very own objective opinion.
Anyway, expect a lot of whining about nausea and toilets in the next few weeks. It's my site after all.
But back to what this is actually about... a baby. I'm trying hard to imagine what this means but I just really can't. I try to think about babies and many come to mind but none of the ones I've seen in my life were mine and so I still don't really know what that means. Hearing that heartbeat is just wonderful... but so unbelievable. So there really IS a human being kicking away in my uterus with a beating heart and all. I can't help wondering how it got there. You have to admit this whole sperm and egg explanation is still very shaky. Ok, chemistry is amazing... but a whole human being? No way. Yet... there it is...I heard it. I think about this for about 10 minutes at the time, then it's just too much and I conclude that throwing up is far more real and must be the main thing about pregnancy anyway.
Tune in next time when I talk about... more about puking and a little about what I'm afraid of.
Posted at 08:02 PM on December 29, 2002