Where is the time?
I am so behind on my blogging. I've had lots of ideas but just never get to sit down and write! What's this job-thing? It happens every day and never goes away... when am I supposed to dedicate myself to my hobbies?
Oh well. I'll give you a quick update and then hope for a very blog-ful weekend.
My belly is bigger and bigger (photo coming). It's actually VERY big. People are starting to give me looks... you know the kind that says: I can NOT believe how big you are.
Uhm, I don't like to be looked at like that, but I understand. I am big. This baby is just taking up lots of room. I'm still feeling well, only breathing is getting harder and my feet are swelling. That's not painful but just very ugly. I touch my ankles and then have to look, because they just don't feel like my feet! I do drink a lot, which is supposed to help but I guess I don't sit with my feet up enough. I guess I'll have to improve on that. It's not bad to "have to" relax :)
I'm really tired though, every night. Digby is always ready to go for a walk, when all I want to do is lie down. We disagree on our priorities... but I do end up walking him because if I don't, I will have to endure an antsy dog, who in his "quiet" times likes to pace the house up and down. "Antsy" is not even sufficient to describe what he does when he has too much spare energy.
Last weekend I had my wonderful baby shower, organized by my wonderful mother-in-law. It was just great.. and quite touching. I got a ton of stuff and I still have a hard time believing it's all for my baby. Maybe I'll take a few pictures of the things I got... CUTE, I'm telling you!
I'm off to bed now, it's 9.30 pm after all! ;)
I know I know
... it's all over the news, but still: GO RUBEN!!!!
Posted at 07:42 AM on May 22, 2003Not a water dog...
It seems inevitable that Digby will have to live without the great deal of attention once Suzie is here, but for now he is still the favorite object for the new camera.... click here to see Digby on his first visit to the beach.
Posted at 06:41 AM on May 21, 2003May Eighteenth
Today is our 3rd anniversary. I like anniversaries. They are as nice and happy as birthdays. You don't even have to do anything special... the day itself feels special.
Obviously for me this has a lot to do with my husband. I will try not to embarass him here but I do have to say that he is doing a great job. I often think back and wonder if marriage turned out to be what I hoped for - or, in better words, if what I experienced matches what other people had told me before I got married myself. I think the answer to both would be: no, not really.
I don't think anyone could've have given me a good impression of what "my" marriage would be like. I suppose that's true for everbody. Turns out, whatever they described, it was "theirs", it wasn't mine. Some general things might apply to everybody, but general things is not the stuff you are curious about before you get married.
Also, marriage did not turn out to be the way I imagined it, because - there was no way I could've really imagined. I am still amazed that I am married. It feels so natural, I never had to question it, it was never a real struggle. And my husband still thinks he made a good decision. That amazes me as well. I catch myself thinking how relieved I am that he's still around. Not that I expect him to leave but when I think of the things I can't stand about myself, I am glad he is willing to put up with it. Or maybe he doesn't notice. ;) Then I'm just plain lucky.
Maybe people think I've been married for too short a time to be able to say anything substantial. Or that the reason I'm "still" happy is that I just haven't run into the "real" problems yet. That might be true (although I doubt it obviously), but then I know that nobody really has a clue about our marriage besides us. I should probably remember that next time I think I have something to say about somebody else's relationship :).
I wish I had the ultimate "sentence" to say about how I feel about being married, - "the conclusion", if you want. I can't sum it up, it would somehow imply I know something or I played a crucial role in its outcome. And I didn't. I just feel extremely blessed. Still surprised it happened. Like watching something incredible unfold. Yet it still feels familiar and normal. Uh, am I making sense here...? Time to stop before I lose myself in corny metaphors ("like a rainbow" :).
You know what I mean.
"Let me tell you how..."
So I had a first today. If I wrote a diary (a real one of course, not this blog-nonsense) I'd have to mark it a special day. For the first time a stranger said the following 3 things in a row to me:
- When is your due date?
- July??? You are WAY to big to be only that far along!
- Are you sure there aren't twins in there?
The "lady" in question was, like me, waiting for her oil to be changed, and since I'm very polite and very prepared for those kind of comments I just smiled at her. In the privacy of this blog I'm going to tell you though that she looked like a witch and spoke like one! She had the head scarf and the raspy voice, the ugly skin and she was smoking... all she needed was a skirt and a broom and I wouldn't have been the least surprised if she had flown away.
Aaaaanyway. I thought it was funny. I heard from so many moms how annoying it gets to hear this stuff from strangers...about everybody being an expert on proper belly size plus feeling called to share their opinion and wisdom with a pregnant woman. If it wasn't funny it would be terribly insulting.
Turns out I am definitely entering the stage of pregnancy of the "well-meant" advice. Luckily I feel I have been warned enough by a lot of women who had to endure all this wisdom so I know when to switch to "I'm-just-nodding-but-don't-really-listen-mode". I don't get it though: people LOVE to tell you how horrible it's going to be. And it's not that well-meant - as in, trying to seriously prepare you so you're not too naive about the whole baby thing - no, they take pleasure in telling you the gory stuff, the sleepless nights, the horrible colic, the washing, the cleaning, the loss of freedom. I know they take pleasure in it because they get this look in their eyes and that tone in their voice - it has a hint of "schadenfreude" - ha! finally you are going to see what I had to go through, I will show you not to get too happy, too excited, too high up in the sky... because I felt so bad and so should you!
I don't know what to think. Within 5 seconds I can tell if all this advice is about me or about the advice-giver. It's usually the latter. Then I sit there and wonder... what should I say? Maybe "I'm sorry you had it so bad"? But that would be breaking the rules of the conversation. After all we are supposedly talking about ME and what my life will be like in two months.
The interesting thing is that everybody and their brother has the same opinion, which is: there is only ONE way of doing things and I'm the one who knows it.
So you'd think I'd hear the same advice over and over? No, they all differ but everyone is the ultimate authority. If I wanted to drive myself crazy, I could try to believe everyone and truly think that I will definitely be the same kind of mother in the exact same life situation as soandso.
But I choose to be "naive" and believe that I will actually find my own way of taking care of my child and it will just good enough!
Now if in a few months you find me preaching to other people about "how it's done" and what kind of crib they "must" buy and sharing horror stories about sleep deprivation - all with an ironic, all-knowing-kind of smile, please smack me and tell me to shut up!
empty!!!
I'm so sorry for lagging behind. I promise I'll post a bunch in the next few days.
In the meantime, please check this out. Isn't he artistic, my husband?
Long-winded registry information
Now back to the practical. We went to Babies R Us and got our gear! It was lot's of fun, and yeah, pretty tiring.
The store is beautiful, the system perfect. You come to the store, they give you a list and a scanner and you go around picking things by scanning their product codes. When you're done, they upload the information on their website. It's genius. You spend over two hours shopping and leave the place without paying! ;)
Anyway, we shopped for all our furniture, trying to figure out what we needed. Being first-time parents this is hard hard hard. I know, experienced parents can help, but only so much. After all we will be different parents with different children, some things just have to be figured out. We were overwhelmed with the choices... Lincoln and I both concluded it's just a ploy to make the consumer feel inadequate... leaving the store with this doubting feeling, that maybe they made the WRONGEST choices and just bought the unsafest stroller and the leakiest crib pads.
Good thing that Lincoln and I have quite similar attitudes when it comes to shopping. No big fuss, go for what you need, if you like it, take it and onto the next. It took us "only" two and a half hours to basically pick every major item. We were exhausted.
Now an explanation to those of you who consider getting us something from the list... You can go to the Babies R Us store and give them our names and they will give you the list. You can go online (link is below) www.babiesrus.com and enter my name into the baby registry search box. It's pretty easy.
Now to the stuff... we purposely picked only a few minor items, like clothes, toys or accessories and this for the following reason: We are not very particular about those things. Baby stuff is almost always really cute, so we don't mind being surprised and not receiving the exact bib we saw in the store. We think, if you want to get a cute outfit, just pick the one you love best and we'll be happy. The same goes for blankets, socks, hats, photo albums etc. We stilll added some of these items though, just to give people an idea, who might be a little at loss... like we were :).
Some of the items are not available for online purchase, only at the store... that, well, sucks. But we can't do anything about it. If you don't have a Babies R Us - store near, just pick something else or you can get a gift card - if that's what you prefer. Other items again, are out of stock or "currently not available" - because of that I sometimes picked two versions of the same item, so hopefully one of the two is there.
All in all as profane as a gift registry is, we really are grateful for every gift and have made this list as much for you as for us. We needed to see in one spot what we would need and what we would purchase down the road. I guess I still feel uncomfortable with the idea of making a list of gifts and then giving it to people. You just can't help but think it's rude, so please, if you feel insulted, don't tell me :)
Baby fever
I still have over 2 months to go and I swore to myself I was going to be p a t i e n t. I am quickly losing though in my battle against over-excitement.
Lincoln and I went to Babies R Us yesterday and finally got our main registry together. More about that later...
Now I find myself awake after only 6 hours asleep... lying in bed, eyes closed, imagining... the birth, the baby... in the new crib, the baby in the stroller, the baby in the sling, the baby in the bouncy seat... what will we call it? who is coming to the baptism, what will we serve, how will I feel, how will I feel after it's born, what will it look like... then images... me and the baby in the car, lincoln, I and the baby going for a walk, the baby asleep, the baby crying....ah! I am insane! I can't sleep over this and the third trimester has just started.
I am nervous, just like I used to be before Christmas. Lying in bed, imagining what is in the other room... how many presents, what will they be? When is it time to go, look? The feelings of anticipation that something really big and wonderful is going to happen, this shiny new thing that will make everything perfect. Wondering, when this will be, if it's possibe to get a glimpse... if I could... just... quickly... a little... see what it's like... otherwise I'm going to... burst!
Somebody help me... I'm having a baby!