"Let me tell you how..."
So I had a first today. If I wrote a diary (a real one of course, not this blog-nonsense) I'd have to mark it a special day. For the first time a stranger said the following 3 things in a row to me:
- When is your due date?
- July??? You are WAY to big to be only that far along!
- Are you sure there aren't twins in there?
The "lady" in question was, like me, waiting for her oil to be changed, and since I'm very polite and very prepared for those kind of comments I just smiled at her. In the privacy of this blog I'm going to tell you though that she looked like a witch and spoke like one! She had the head scarf and the raspy voice, the ugly skin and she was smoking... all she needed was a skirt and a broom and I wouldn't have been the least surprised if she had flown away.
Aaaaanyway. I thought it was funny. I heard from so many moms how annoying it gets to hear this stuff from strangers...about everybody being an expert on proper belly size plus feeling called to share their opinion and wisdom with a pregnant woman. If it wasn't funny it would be terribly insulting.
Turns out I am definitely entering the stage of pregnancy of the "well-meant" advice. Luckily I feel I have been warned enough by a lot of women who had to endure all this wisdom so I know when to switch to "I'm-just-nodding-but-don't-really-listen-mode". I don't get it though: people LOVE to tell you how horrible it's going to be. And it's not that well-meant - as in, trying to seriously prepare you so you're not too naive about the whole baby thing - no, they take pleasure in telling you the gory stuff, the sleepless nights, the horrible colic, the washing, the cleaning, the loss of freedom. I know they take pleasure in it because they get this look in their eyes and that tone in their voice - it has a hint of "schadenfreude" - ha! finally you are going to see what I had to go through, I will show you not to get too happy, too excited, too high up in the sky... because I felt so bad and so should you!
I don't know what to think. Within 5 seconds I can tell if all this advice is about me or about the advice-giver. It's usually the latter. Then I sit there and wonder... what should I say? Maybe "I'm sorry you had it so bad"? But that would be breaking the rules of the conversation. After all we are supposedly talking about ME and what my life will be like in two months.
The interesting thing is that everybody and their brother has the same opinion, which is: there is only ONE way of doing things and I'm the one who knows it.
So you'd think I'd hear the same advice over and over? No, they all differ but everyone is the ultimate authority. If I wanted to drive myself crazy, I could try to believe everyone and truly think that I will definitely be the same kind of mother in the exact same life situation as soandso.
But I choose to be "naive" and believe that I will actually find my own way of taking care of my child and it will just good enough!
Now if in a few months you find me preaching to other people about "how it's done" and what kind of crib they "must" buy and sharing horror stories about sleep deprivation - all with an ironic, all-knowing-kind of smile, please smack me and tell me to shut up!
Hi Dinki!
Please stay "naive"!
Bussi Dora
Oh yes! People need preaching (in german: "Klugscheissen") for their self-affirmation, to keep the feeling, that they are important, wise, supporting, etc.
Many people with children are preaching, and when you read between the lines you'll notice, that they made (or are still making) certain bad & selfish compromises in their relation to their children. Now they're preaching others more or less to justify their "misbehaviour"...to get rear cover against their bad conscience...
Let them preach!
Isn't it strange that Dinka's making almost the same experience, but thousands of miles away?
You know from the perspective of a Mom (I just read your post with a bit more scrutiny), I get tired of the horror stories too. There has been many a time when I would actually be at the store by myself and people would look at me (I look almost young for my age-LOL) and assume I was pregnant with number 1 instead of number 4. They would automatically start with the horror stories. Like you I would nod and smile and say I had three at home. Then say "yes, it's work, but there is nothing better!"
well, luckily, I don't have the authority to preach - I am free to find everything wrong, but nobody must feel obliged to listen to what I say on this subject :-))))))) - BUT, I 'll be very glad to do you a favour of smacking you, whenever I feel you need it!!! :-))))))))hihihihi
dah! pansy, don't you think it's time i start censoring members of my family around here? like they need encouragement to smack me!
hush hush tessa, getouttahere!! ;)
ds