Raising kids Dinka's way.
If you read my entries on Veronika's page, you will have noticed we currently have a sleeping situation. No, Veronika has never slept through the night, but besides her first two weeks of life, her sleeping pattern has really been quite manageable. The wakings were gradually decreasing (partly with my encouragement) and ended up being only once a night. Then we came back from Austria and she started a crazy waking-up-almost-every-hour-pattern. Again, I'm using a book to help me get it all back on track and I can see results, but it's all veeery slow. I guess it's my own fault for not being "tough" and letting my baby cry-it-out.
It seems there are quite a few so-called experts out there who claim the best and fastest way to get a baby(not toddler!) to sleep soundly through the night, is to put her in the crib and leave her there. Maybe return a few times, pat her on her back and then leave again. Some even suggest doing so from day one, somehow implying that a baby's cry doesn't really mean much, and if it does, obviously the need the child is expressing, is not worth the bother. Actually, they say, the child IS fine, it just doesn't know it yet, but by screaming in the crib for hours it will just figure it out. This is how it goes: you feed the baby, make sure they are clean and changed and put them in the crib, say night-night and disappear. The baby starts roaring, probably feeling slightly lonely and abandoned, but that doesn't matter because after a while this happens: The baby thinks: "Oh, wow, I've been screaming here for hours and nobody's coming! But wait, hey, somehow I'm starting to feel all better! Hm, I thought I was alone and NOT fine, but I AM fine. Really! No monster came to eat my head and my legs did not fall off. Great! Goodnight!" Done! Baby learned that it's fine even when alone and that only at 8 weeks! Success for the parents, everyone is happy. Obviously whoever thinks that the only conclusion the baby can make at this age is, that when you feel scared and scream, nobody comes, which means 1. it's no use crying and wanting your mom, because we're all on our own after all and 2. this "being scared" feeling I'm getting when I'm by myself is actually a normal state of being - anyway, whoever thinks that is just plain dumb and more than that a weak, backbone-lacking nancy, who will never be able to have their child under control, much less enforce any kind of discipline...ever.
Another line of thought is that the #1 thing a baby has to be taught is to NOT get dependent on anything, not the constant presence of their parents, not the breast or the bottle, nothing that could chain them for life to a bad bad pattern. That's why whatever you don't want your child to do at 18, do not let them do it when they are 6 months and whatever you want them to be able to do at 18, start training them for it right away. As soon as they slip out the womb. That's why Lincoln and I have started Veronika on the "get-off-your-lazy-baby-butt-program", where we leave her in the crib with a couple of eggs, a frying pan and a flashlight (for those nightly trips to the bathroom). After all she's obviously fine, she'll figure it out in a few weeks and we will have something to show for!
Posted at 10:09 AM on February 07, 2004
uaaaaah, ich glaubs nicht. ich sitze da vor dem computer und kann nicht aufhören laut zu lachen. das hast du sehr, sehr klar gemacht. bist du auch sicher, dass du ihr nicht zu viele sachen ins kinderbett mitgegeben hast - davon könnte sie ja auch ganz leicht abhängig werden ;-)