Have the baby
Claire Fisher has an abortion. It was all part of a numbing catastrophic finale, darker than anything I've seen on this show and the show is pretty damn dark. I felt like I was still reeling from all the pain and dysfunction the day after we watched the last episode (purchased the whole season online from someone who taped it, we can't afford cable (yet) thankyouverymuch). The abortion was just a small story line but it's what stayed with me the longest. I've wanted to blog about abortion so many times, but I just can't. It's emotionally impossible. Not that I don't have rational, logical thoughts about it. I do. Plenty. But the feelings on the subject are far stronger and I know I could not be coherent. Then this happened around the same time and it was really hard not to log on here and rant away.
Maybe one day I will be able to express myself on this topic without falling into any political rethoric, but today I'm not ready. Instead I'm letting someone else speak up for the real choice, someone who has a lot more credibility than me: "If I think women should have abortions on demand, at some level, I am arguing that I shouldn't exist."
Having Veronika has made me much more sensitive to things. I feel like a whole protective layer has been torn down without my consent and there is nothing I can do about it. Every disaster, every tragedy or pain is somehow related to me and my daughter. It's pretty insane, I know, but there it is and is to be dealt with. I suppose she also has lots to do with my inability to talk about abortion calmly - because it's her fault that I became a mother, that I had to rethink the whole "birds and the bees"-issue and realize that I still don't know where babies really come from and it is her fault that I lost my personal freedom on 8/3/03 although I wasn't ready for it and still am not ready for it and it is her fault that I AM SO GLAD about it all.
People will disagree with me, but I think whoever claims that the best life lived is the one that turned out exactly as planned is a lier. God save me from a life planned and conceived just by me, my brain and my self-delusions.
Posted at 07:51 PM on April 27, 2004
"God save me from a life planned and conceived just by me, my brain and my self-delusions."
Very, very well said.
I saw snippets of the March on TV and the one thing that come across so clearly was the entrenched anger that these women had. Anger at their own bodies and anger at their own femininity. It was just so sad and hard to watch.
P.S. I've never seen Six Feet Under, but I've been told I'd like it.