The Beginning Of The End... of Me.
I have been doing better since we first moved here as far as my motivation and my cope-ability is concerned. Veronika still doesn't use more words, but she communicates quite a lot with self-invented signs, pointing... and whining. So we are doing well, we go out and meet people and run errands and play and enjoy each other except... for the whining. There are many days in a row where I think things are going well, I can do this, it's not that hard, until I end up completely burnt out with my mind so blank you could probably see through it. I know this is a stage, but please... STOP THE WHINING!!! The way she "communicates" want is by crying and moaning and more crying and if the desired thing is not within her reach or on the screen or in her hand immediately she will continue until it's there. Obviously I can never be as fast, nor do I attempt to be and so I hear this sound on and off all day until my head is void of any sense of normal.
Professional advice suggests "talking to your child calmly" until they one day "realize there is no need to cry for things". Moms suggest not to "give in" because it just teaches them that whining works. Look, my baby is only 15 months old. She doesn't understand complex sentences and explanations, nor does she understand disciplinary measures. She knows when she can't do something - for now that's all the discipline I can do: remove her from things or deny her things, but the WHY behind it all she doesn't know. This is the thing that all the smart books lack, because there is no easy fix: how do you bear it all? Sometimes I hide. In a two-story-house, I can be upstairs, while she is downstairs. I read some emails and pretend that I'm on a "break". Sometimes I go into the other room and scream. I don't do that too much because I know she hears it either way and screaming... could cause more whining! Sometimes I pretend I'm someone else in my head, who says helpful things like "Wow, you are amazing! I can't believe you do this every day! You totally deserve being waited on hand and foot for the rest of your life!"
Why are children designed this way? It seems their development is directly linked to the loss of sanity on their parents' part. I don't think I'm one to give up easily, someone who can't get their hands dirty and their crap together when things get rough. After all I pushed this 8lbs-6oz-baby out for 3 hours after 40 hours of labor. If I don't know tough I don't know who does! Yet all this noise will make me lose it on a daily basis.
Several times in the last few weeks I would catch Veronika trying to connect two blocks or trying to push her stroller blocked by an obstacle and she would try and try and it wouldn't work and she would get so frustrated that she'd shake the blocks and rattle the stroller out of sheer anger and start crying and throwing away whatever didn't comply with her wishes and screaam! That's when I would have loved to grab her, look her in the eye and say: "This! This is how you make me feel EVERY DAY!!! Do you see how crazy this is? Have some compassion, let's call a truce, let's give each other some space and please, PLEASE stop the insanity!" But I know, if I did, she would give me a confused look that would soon turn into a grin as she realized that my face was close enough for her to poke my cheeks, because when you do that to your mom, she makes a funny noise with her mouth... And so. I play along and automatically, like a well-trained mom, I do whatever it takes to keep her happy and give myself another 5 minutes of whine-free time. Ultimately though, this constant conflict management that never resolves anything but is based entirely on distraction gets to me. I'm not sure if you got the jist of this post, IT GETS TO ME!
I need a vacation, because it gets worse before it gets better.
Posted at 12:24 PM on November 19, 2004
It is your fault I am now addicted to Finslippy, I just love her bog. I read her blog and thought, gosh I thought this stage of baby's was hard, and look I have harder things to look forward too.Joy.
Have you tried signing with your baby? One of the women in my mom's group is a sign language interpreter and gave us a class. I can't deside if it is worth the trouble to sign with Cecilia (lazy tired moomy doesn't want extra work). But if it will help her communicate later maybe I should start. Any opinions?
The only way I survived phase upon phase of this sort of thing, was by joining an online alternative parenting community (which advocated positive parenting). I got so much support from other Moms who were going through the same thing, and oftentimes, just knowing that I wasn't alone in all of this did wonders for me.
FWIW, My 2nd dd was the whiniest at that age, but as you mentioned in your entry, it was all because of frustration. She was very determined to do anything and everything she set her mind to, yet she was still not developmentally ready to do any or all of these things on her own...which ultimately led to the frustration and then the whining. She is now a very independent five year old that is a joy to be around. She still insists on doing everything on her own, and to be frank, I welcome the break. ;^)
Welcome to the toddler stage. With boys it comes along with lots of things being spilt and broken. I totally phase out at this stage to maintain sanity. And yes, this is really bad Mommy stuff, but this is the time where I discover TV! I swore when I was pregnant with Dree that I would never use the TV as a babysitter. ROFLOL! Now I have a 2 year old whose first word was "Spongebob, Spongebob!"