Thank you
Many people are writing their own tributes about John Paul II and I enjoy reading them. Even though he had the same effect on me I'm always amazed how so many people have a connection to him. When we were in Toronto at the World Youth Day and the crowds were cheering to the pope on and on, Lincoln said to me how he didn't understand people going crazy. I knew what he meant, because on first glance it seemed out of place to behave like this towards a religious figure. He wasn't a rockstar. It seemed too strong, too childish. But towards the end of the weekend we both knew exactly why the crowds were going nuts... because we felt it too. It was easy to love John Paul II, because he loved you first. I know this will be misunderstood as a kind of mass hysteria or religious fervor, and I will not attemp to explain it. Mostly because I can't. It was a simple reality. I have never met anyone who could convey God's love in this way, with such confidence and such complete lack of fear. It was overwhelming.
It's not easy to be a Catholic. It never was I assume, but each period in time has its own challenges. Nowadays it is outrageously out of style in the Western world. Catholicism is described as antiquated, anti-human, hypocritical, sexually misinformed and repressed, totalitarian and corrupt. It was impossible for me most of the time to convey to people the difference between doctrine and the sins and imperfections of the church's members. And beyond that it was impossible to me to explain how faith and church were related and that you couldn't discuss faith issues in the same way you discuss politics and its agenda. Growing up and even now I felt out of place a lot, it was a struggle. Not just because of an obvious clash of my convictions with the current trends but also because it was hard to find Catholics I could really identify with. There were those who would admonish against anything world-related. MTV was evil, so were most kinds of music and movies, wearing this that or the other was a near occasion of sin, talking about frustrations with your faith, talking about your own weakness was taboo. The right way to live was apparently to shut yourself off from "the world" by criticising it constantly and living in fear that "it" will still somehow devour you one day and you could lose your faith in 5 seconds. I knew I could not live this way, but I could not live the other way either. I suppose one always feels in their heart what the right thing to do is, but in most cases we sort of tend to just join one group or the other and run with them because it feels safer than following what you truly believe.
But then there was this pope. At the youth meetings he talked to us by identifying with this dilemma. I never felt dismissed, I never heard him lament how evil this generation was, how godless, how hard it would be for us to ever lead a good life. It was the opposite. It was the opposite to a lot of what I had heard in Catholic circles. He encouraged us and spoke about what really moved us. He said God was entrusting us with the tasks of tomorrow. It was the right thing for me to hear so many times... when I felt completely at odds with every single person of my generation or when I felt I didn't know where in the church I really belonged. It is hard for me to explain, because these are very personal things, but I am so grateful because I feel my life took a certain course because there was this person who lifted me up and didn't even know me.
People get upset about the church preaching about "universal truths" and interestingly those universal truths are what I am most grateful for. I am at loss though when I am asked to explain that. The closest I come to compare it to is the feeling you have when you find yourself recognized by someone. Maybe your friend, or your spouse or preferably God. You experience the moment of seeing yourself - and therefore others - as you are really meant to be, with your true calling and your dignity. The church has given me many ways to experience that through exactly those corner stones that everyone else is always tripping over... its doctrine on relationships, sin and the true meaning of life. The World Youth Days were always a great opportunity to rediscover these turths in yourself and others and I am sure that this was the reason John Paul II had started them. He had the gift to remind us that we were loved and we had a purpose and that we should never be afraid. It was always very personal, there was little talk about theory and theology but much about living your life with God - fearlessly.
The thought of him being gone is somewhat scary to me. The truth is always a reality, whether he is here or not, but to me it will be quite lonelier. This pope was a constant support in my life and selfishly I would rather not let go of it. I feel a little like the apostles who after they see Jesus transfigured (Lk 9:30) with Moses and Elijah, ask if they could build them little houses on the spot and have them live there - everyone together living happily ever after. I want John Paul II to stay here and things should not change and I should always be able to have him close and rely on his words and his encouragement. Like many others I feel orphaned in a way. At the same time his death with all its numb and final ugliness does not overshadow the joy of his life. More than that it's making a fool of itself trying turn it into a dark event.
Posted at 11:46 AM on April 06, 2005
Thanks Dinka. That was beautiful. I am not feeling articulate enough to express my own thoughts on our great loss, but then you know how I feel anyway.
"It was easy to love John Paul II, because he loved you first."
Reminds me of a children's song I learned long ago about God's love for us... oh, I wish I could remember the exact lyrics.
You're so much better at expressing these things than I could ever hope to be.
Wow, I feel like I could have written that.
One thing is certain, we haven't really lost JPII. He will be one powerful intercessor in heaven for all of us!
P U S A
tata
Dinka, you have written like a good catholic Theologian for our days. Thank you! The joy of the Risen Lord be your strength! Janez
Ich mag ihn auch wieder haben!