The walk in the park continues
So, mastitis seems to have forgotten about me in the last few days... only now the cold germs have found me. Veronika and I are sneezing and coughing and generally miserable. I am being patient, really I am. But on the inside I am cursing everything between the earth and the sky.
Have a good weekend.
Posted at 07:59 AM on May 26, 2006You know you have two kids and a dog...
... when you search your phone for the closed captioning* button.
*Untertitel
Posted at 08:51 AM on May 23, 2006I thought it was going to be all roses from now on...
For those of you, who are still wondering if two kids are a lot more work: Ivan was born two months ago today and since then I have had mastitis twice. The first time it was a month ago and I came down with a ferocious fever of 102.something (over 38 deg. celsius) without even having any other symptoms. It was gone in a matter of about 12 hours plus and then I felt a slight pain in the right breast - but only if i touched it. Ok, so I thought, now I know what mastitis feels like. Then last Friday I got the achy feeling again, plus the chills and after a few hours of lingering fever it spiked up to 103.1 during the night (39.4 about). I had some slight pain in the left breast, but that's about it. It all calmed down by Saturday night, I was fine yesterday and then this morning at 3 a.m. I am woken up by... chills! Achy bones! Hot forehead! Fuzzy vision! "At least" this time my right breast was in pain for real (note: "right breast", why not have two bouts of mastitis back to back?). I got up and pumped a little and decided to nurse him... my peacefully, deeply sleeping baby I was waking up! The irony. Then I popped some more Ibuprofen and now I am functioning at only a ridiculously low 99.2 (37.5) degrees.
When is this going to end? What am I doing wrong? I rested and drank lots of fluids and nursed and nursed. I am exhausted and frustrated and panicky because there are two children wanting something all the time and we all need to eat apparently too. From time to time at least.
This is what Dr. Sears says about recurrent mastitis:
"Problems with recurrent mastitis are usually the result of irregular breastfeeding patterns: missing feedings, giving bottles in place of breastfeedings, or skipping pumping sessions when separated from the baby. Recurrent mastitis may also mean that mother's immune system is generally run down, because of fatigue and stress. Mastitis is a sign that you need to take a closer look at your lifestyle and breastfeeding relationship and make some adjustments."
Well. I am not skipping any feedings, I don't feed bottles nor pump... So where does that leave me, doctor? Stress? Fatigue? Me? Silly! You're just playin'!
It's funny how that goes. Like everyone else I used to pray that God may give me food, diamonds and a Mercedes. Now, all I ask is that I may leave the bed without my body on fire.
Posted at 09:47 AM on May 22, 2006 | Comments (2)Maybe she is like me... a little
Veronika loves pretend play. It's not just the usual "I'm a mommy" and "I made you some delicious (fake) coffee" - type of stuff, it's entire imaginary scenarios she lives out, talking to the wall, moving invisible objects and addressing non-existent friends. When she first started doing it, I found it adorable and funny, but nothing out of the ordinary, until I saw other people's reaction and it occurred to me that this is not necessarily what everyone did when they were small.
As far as I can remember, pretending to be someone else was my daily entertainment when I was little (and not that little anymore). I was usually having important conversations in other languages (and yes, I had different fake languages for English and German and Italian) or was in some spectacular dance recital, sometimes by myself, sometimes in a fabulous chorus line. I don't remember a lot of details, but just that I had a lot of fun and felt completely un-selfconscious and free... well until someone passed by and happened to witness something. Pretend universe crumbles immediately when an outsider shows up. It is obvious in the most corny Disney-like way: if you don't believe, it can't exist! Oh tragedy! Little fairies are dying!
Anyway, I am sure there is some scientific explanation for why children like to pretend play and also why some children prefer it to other kinds of entertainment, which might be relevant or not, but doesn't really interest me. You could say in my case it had something to do with the fact that all my siblings were a lot older than me and I spent a lot of time playing on my own, or the fact that I didn't have a lot of toys and there's only so much you can do with two dolls and two outfits... but I doubt it. It's just how I was and probably still am. Unlike the burdensome imperative of Disney that your "dreams will (thereby meaning MUST) come true" I didn't feel an urge to make my made-up realities true. I just loved living there occasionally. I called the shots and I chose my identity. It was a safe environment and I think eventually it became a tool to gain confidence. If you spend a good amount of time functioning freely in an uncensored environment the awareness of being comfortable with yourself adheres to your consciousness beyond the imaginary world. Well that and also, I was nerdy, for sure.
I don't spend my days playing pretend anymore, but I do occasionally enjoy the taste of it. Maybe a song, or a scent or a scene takes me to a different world for a second and I take a vacation from the things at hand and I am somewhere else and look at the surroundings from a distance. It's liberating and relaxing; a moment to be free from other people's perceptions and expectations.
I am glad to see Veronika in her own world, I can relive the happy moments even though I don't know what she is imagining. Even if - or because - no one ever gets to see it, creating itself is exhilarating.
Posted at 04:33 PM on May 10, 2006 | Comments (3)