Look at that cake! (Flickr premiere)
This was Veronika's birthday cake. Cinderella all the way, including very obnoxious pink frosting. It's obvious this was my first try at food coloring (use very little, very very little!), but of course if you are a three-year-old girl, the pinker the better. Initially I had planned a different Cinderella scene but it was foiled by an incredibly rude and unprofessional ebay seller. So. What was my point? Ah, compliment me!
Posted at 04:12 PM on August 27, 2006 | Comments (5)Books & Music pt 2
How Not To Live Abroad by Shaun Riley
Why I liked it: I think it's fairly obvious why this book caught my eye. Living abroad? Check. Spain? Check. Witty writing? Check. (I am just joking about that last part!!) Anyway, the title is catchy and it looked like an easy read and knowing that I won't be able to visit Spain until my jail sentence is over for the next 15+ years, why not live vicariously through other people, who do have the time to travel AND write about it extensively (totally no sarcastic undertones here). In this travel memoir the author Shaun Briley and his British girlfriend escape their living quarters in London, which they share with her mother (!) to vacation in Spain and in a fit of what can only be called "typically clueless behavior from teenagers in their twenties" buy a house in the dry deserted countryside of southern Spain (Andalusia). Why is it deserted? Because more and more Spaniards think living without indoor plumbing or electricity in the middle of nowhere with no money to make is no way to live, but our heroes, they are blinded by their dreams of "living off the land" and so they find themselves in a dark house (no light!) stinky and sweaty (no water!) and having to pee (no toilet!). Despite this somewhat tediously sounding premise, the book is very enjoyable, because Riley is a very funny writer. Having lived in Spain, it made me revisit familiar situations and the promise of virtual travel was fulfilled. The south of Spain has a particular reputation and very peculiar idiosyncracies... The same way you will have a certain idea when someone is described as "from the South" in the US, you will also understand "Andalusian" as more than just a geographical indicator. What really makes this book work though is Riley's capability for introspection, which gives it a dimension without sounding trite and kitschy. His relationship is doomed, he doesn't know what to do with his life and this whole Spanish adventure really drives this point home. He is successful at balancing the serious with the comical and absurd, add to that the Spanish flavor and you have a few fun hours in front of you.
Why you should get it: I don't know. It's funny, you'll laugh. It's a fast read and will not upset you in any way. You will find out about Spain and also about the life of unrealistic people. You'll laugh.
Why you should not get it: I have to admit I probably would not have enjoyed the book as much had it been set in France or Kazakhstan, so maybe the story won't work for you if you've never been to Spain. If you find people talking about their lives annoying and a waste of your time, it won't work for you either. Also, if you've never tried to grow and sell olives for a living you might not be able to relate. At some point in the book they get a dog, so I guess it has puppies and who doesn't like a puppy?
Posted at 10:20 AM on August 23, 2006 | Comments (2)Books and Music pt I
A while ago I wanted to write about all the fun books and new music I'd been enjoying. Six months later here I am telling all about it and it's like... brand new news! Books and music that came out 3 years (or more) ago! It might sound pathetic, but to me this is a lot of media, all accomplished while living with a toddler and gestating/nursing an infant. It's a small victory for me. It means my brain is not totally dead yet. Working at the library is a big incentive. It's like working at the ice cream parlor I would imagine. You just can't go home without at least a little bit of ice cream. I just can't go home without a book here and there. Ah, the library. You give me books and a paycheck! I love you, library.
The CDs are usually all gifts. I don't think I've bought a single CD in the last 3 years. I love you, amazon wishlist.
I know this album was very popular and all over the video channels etc, but at least it was deserved this time. I am not judgemental in this area, I will listen to popular stuff if I like it. If this means I am forever uncool, so BE IT, I was never cool, I built my life on UNCOOL, so take that all of you... who don't really care one way or the other... yeah, ok.
Why I liked it: His voice really got under my skin although at first I didn't really see what all the fuss was about. I remember Lauren Hill once talking about how she liked Mary J. Blige, because her voice was not perfect. She also mentioned Ray Charles in that context, which helped me understand what she meant. The cracks in the voice now and then, the messiness... My adoration of Lauren Hill aside, I think she was right. It gives the performance texture and shows a very personal side. John Legend has that. It pulls you in. The album needs several runthroughs though until you really get into it. Not all songs are equally strong, but the vocals always are and for a while I really couldn't get enough. I listened to it in the car every time Veronika let me. Until the other day while listening to her perennial favorites she said: "I want mama's music. The brown one!" I'm telling you, you just gotta listen to it a few times and you'll get hooked, even if you're 3.
Why you should get it: If you like R&B, you'll like this album for sure. Good melodies, arrangements and most of the time, beats. It's sweet and emotional...
Why you should not get it: ... but it's also quite immature. If you absolutely cannot listen to a song that starts with "You can't say I don't love you just because I cheat on you" (Yes, you read that right.), you should pass. There are several songs on cheating - the album is sort of a progression from infatuation, betrayal, girlfriend finding out, making up etc. - and while I can ignore that for the sake of the catchy rhythm, the old married woman in me can't help shaking her head in disgust every time: "How dare you, John Legend! She should totally dump your ass."
If you're not dizzy by the end of this post, you were cheating.
Those who have children will know that the challenges of parenthood change every few years, months and sometimes weeks. You can never really feel accomplished as children present you with new tricks every day, so that you may feel humble and also lose your mind. Veronika has turned three and her speech abilities are extraordinary. She is bilingual (stronger in English somewhat) and she can say almost anything she wants in both languages. And she does! She says it all. A lot. I can't say I'm unhappy about that, but what I am unhappy about is the end of conversation as we know it between me and Lincoln. I will try to
- Mama?
- Yes?
- The green, where is it?
- What green?
- I need the green.
- I don't know what you're talking about.
- Mama?
- Yes.
- (silence)
- Mama?
- Yes.
- (silence)
demonstrate here what it is like these days to attempt a simple exchange of thought in verbal form, e.g. conversation while also being in the presence
- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. MAMAAAAAAAAA I HURT HERE! Give it a kiss!
- Here you go.
- Thank you, mama. I need miiiilk! Miiilk, mama, miiilk
of a child who
- Mama?
- Yes.
- I.. uh... (prolonged silence)
is three years
- Mama?
- Y E S.
- Where is Drew?
- At his house.
- WHAT?
- At his house.
- At his house?
- Yes.
- I want to go.
- I know. We'll go soon.
- WHAT?
old and talks a lot. Ideally I could also reproduce here the tone of voice she uses when she says "Mama?" because it conveys entitlement, demand and also a certain quality usually pertaining to dog trainers, something to the effect of "when I say jump, you jump". The key element
- Mama! Look. Look at this.
- Uh-huh.
- Look. I do it like this and like this and like this (makes some kind of contortion)
- Uh-huh.
here is the
- Mama?
- Noni can have the Cinderella rolleskates when she is bigger.
timing. She has that sixth sense to know exactly how many seconds to let pass between saying "mama?" and also when a conversation is about to start, has started or has reached its main point. This will create a sensation
- Can I turn the light on?
- No. It's light outside, we don't need the light on.
- I neeeeed the light, it's dark.
- No, it's not.
(she turns the light on)
- Turn the light off.
- WHAT?
- Turn the light off.
- Turn the light OFF??
- Yes.
- WHAT?
of unspeakable frustration which will soon inevitably give way to anger. Imagine someone poking you repeatedly in your shoulder or hammering on your head with a tiny hammer. It doesn't really hurt but causes just the right amount of discomfort. It goes on endlessly and then as soon as it stops and you want to breathe a sigh of relief
- Mama?
- What is this?
- A ball.
- A ball?
- Yes.
- Is it Noni's ball?
- No.
- WHAT?
- It's not your ball.
- What ball is it? The people's?
- Yes.
- The people's?
- Yes.
- Mama?
- Yes.
- Uh... ah...
it starts again. The constant hammering. Now add to that a sleep deprived mind and body and the challenge to keep it together and just pretend to be patient is
- Mama?
- Yes.
- It's the people's ball?
- Yes.
- Noni can't have it.
- No.
- Where is Noni's ball?
- I don't know, somewhere.
- WHAT?
becomes the hardest thing you ever had to do. Hammer hammer hammer... uh, ANYWAY, I said... hammer hammer... SO, what I was saying is... Our conversations contain mostly "anyway" and "so" and end abruptly with a short "nevermind!". We end up communicating with glances - "Oh God, she is in her best form tonight!" or "I am about ready to shoot myself. How about you?" or "When is she moving out?" or "I miss you. See you in 15 years."
- Mama?
- Yes.
- Noni wants to go on the lellow bus.
- Yes, one day you can go on the lellow bus.
- But I want to.
- I know. Soon you can -
- WHAT?
- ...go. You can go soon.
- WHAT?
- ...
- Mama?
- hrmphfsssss
- Mama?
- Lalalalalalalala
- MAMA?
- greenbluelellowbusladidahding ding dong...
Aren't you glad I didn't mention the barking dog or the whining baby in the background?
Posted at 12:42 PM on August 13, 2006 | Comments (2)This is all I got
Currently there are two options for you regarding this blog: One, watch me not post or two, watch me whine. What follows is indeed, whine with an h.
I am so tired. Every day I think, this is the longest I've been continously exhausted in my entire life. Then the next day I think, no, THIS is the longest I've been continously tired.... and so on. I am so tired. Ivan is still a decent napper but overall his sleeping is getting worse, more waking up at night and more fussing when put down...etc. I just spent an hour putting him down for the night. That's because he keeps waking up and I have to start over. And then again.
Even more than sleep and rest though I miss some sort of energizing mental and/or social activity. I am beginning to feel understanding for all the historic opressive forces who were determined to keep women uneducated and focused on their stitchery (although I would DIE for some quiet stitiching time these days) until the babies arrived. It was for their own good. How could they miss what they never had? What good is tasting the freedom of thought and speech and the processes of grey matter when it will be taken away from you completely for so many years until it all turns into indistinguishable fuzz and all you end up doing really well is answering to, not your name, but your role (Mama? Yes. Mama? Yes.) and restating simple facts. Nothing will make you forget about the existence of abstract concepts like naming all the objects and their colors. If it is not green or can be hung around your neck for adornment it is irrelevant in the course of history or eternity for that matter. All of this is not that bad actually, but what is bad is the quantity of it, because the quantity is 100%. It is toddler and infant time ALL the time.
I live for the nights, every morning hoping that this will be the day where the kids will actually be asleep (and stay that way for at least 2 hours) at 8 pm and I will enjoy an activity (like sitting) in peace. Mostly it doesn't happen, not for that long anyway, but somehow every morning there I am again, hopeful, no, CONVINCED that tonight, things will certainly fall into place. Wednesday nights have been a highlight lately as my favorite show is on again this year. Although the shape of it is the usual reality/vote-off pattern, the subject (dancing!) makes up for the cheesy winner/loser ritual. I wasn't really going to write about it, because even though it's a popular show I keep thinking the interest is not really there beyond the pretty dresses and the upbeat music. I've always loved dancing above all other entertainment but have also learned to live with the disappointment that it isn't like that for about 99% of the people 99% of the time. Still, for me it also goes further than just entertainment. It feels natural and... necessary somehow. There is something about dance that connects things for me emotionally and physically and well, it can't be reproduced with any other activity. I can go without it, I mean, I've been going without it for a long time. Dancing is not practical. If your hobby is swimming, cycling or reading (Kathrin? "Meine Hobbies sind: Schwimmen, Lesen, Radfahren"), you will easily find your venue and possible witnesses will not be weirded out ("What is she doing swimming in that pool just for the sake of it?!"), but if you like dancing... you either have to pay for a class, or make a friend go with you to a club full of idiots and endure music you don't really like. Anyway, this show... gives me surrogate dancing. Mentally I join their flow and get a taste of what I would feel like... if I was there, if I could. Sometimes it works so well I want to cry from the joy it gives me. (But then again if you are perpetually sleep-deprived even a stuffed blue hippo can move you to tears. Ivan has one. That's where my imagery comes from.) Then I wish I had been born into one of those cultures where people dance at every celebratory occasion, unlike people in my culture, who prefer to sit and have awkward conversations.
I think my work is done here. I have managed to compose a text with confusing content and syntax, interspersed with bitterness and the obligatory occasional sarcasm. What else could you wish for. Watch me shuffle my feet to bed as I take my teeth out and down the Metamucil...
Posted at 07:54 PM on August 08, 2006 | Comments (5)My Girl
So pretty and so smart and so three!
Posted at 08:54 AM on August 03, 2006 | Comments (3)