Stop this train
A couple of times every week, Lincoln and I download the pictures off the camera and select favorites for the kids' daily picture. As I look through the dozens of photos I relive in a few moments the previous week and always find myself thinking how incredible my children are, what a life I have... It rarely feels this romantic up close. Instead the minutes seem to drag, the whining never ends, the to-do-list is always on my mind. Looking back at the immediate past lets me get the right distance to see the things that I missed in real time. Reflection shouldn't be a luxury, it puts things into the right perspective. It always seems to escape me though. Why? Why is life this way? Damn you, productivity.
I had the rarest of opportunities today to have lunch by myself. Granted, it lasted about 15 minutes - of course I was in the middle of an errand-to-do-list while a friend watched the kids - but it was such a relief. Naturally my mind wandered back to Noni and Ivan and all the things we do, but it was a free flow of thoughts... again, reflecting a little, getting that perspective back. When it comes to my children I always remember not to overwhelm them, to let them have that free time where they can explore and play without being urged in any direction. With me - I don't, or at least I tell myself it would be wiser to catch up on some work instead.
The steady flow of pictures serves as a diary of sorts. I was never much of a diary writer. What a drag, rewriting the events of the day. I see the benefits though. I can't process things properly as they are happening, I need to step away from the action and let the distance show me the big picture.
Posted at 11:09 PM on July 11, 2007
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us, Dinka. How nice to have a little lunch out alone. I see what you mean about reflection and I will try to make that a more conscious part of my days.