If you were spiritually vain you'd call it "dying to yourself", but it's just plain old "giving up"
You get up on a weekend and think: "Today I want to spend a few hours on the internet looking at pretty things, then sit down at my brand-new sewing table and spend a few hours making pretty things. Maybe some music in the background. Then I want to talk to some friends and watch What Not to Wear reruns, undisturbed. All that time I will not look at my watch or scan my brain for a to-do list. I will not check the dirty laundry hamper. Dinner will be purchased and delivered. I will just have the perfect, slow day."
And after you've thought about that for a while, you get up, make the kids breakfast, discipline them a little, clean up, run the dishwasher. While you attempt to convince them to entertain themselves you look at your watch, scan your brain for the to-do-list and check the laundry hamper.
Then you pause and look for feelings of disappointment or sadness. Nothing. Your emotional thermometer says: *shrug*. "Yeah, that's what I was thinking" you say to yourself.
Posted at 09:48 AM on March 30, 2008
I would have liked to have just read your entry without interruption. A quick fantasy of doing just as you've written.
Yet, the moment I sat down to the computer and started to read, I had 5 requests to do something other than sit down for a minute and think about being somewhere else.
You are obviously asking too much. You need to be more dead inside, like me! :)