He's coming to town... I guess.
So. Santa. Its complicated. I don't like him, but I don't hate him either. I think he's sort of dumb. I get the story about the nice old man and the chimney and the bag of presents and so on, and within that context I could admit it is sort of cute, but really, when it comes down to it I could do without Santa. I realize the roots of my dislike are religious in nature. Christmas is about Jesus and all that and not about Santa. Besides my childhood was Santa-free. Austria's kids get their gifts from the Christkind, baby Jesus that is. (I will conveniently omit my Croatian history because it did involve a Santa-like creature, imposed by the communist regime to wean people off of Christmas, even though he was irrelevant in my parents' house of course because there it was Jesus all the way, Communism or not. Amen!)
Then there is that whole issue with Santa being some sort of lame derivative of St. Nicholas (go read that page, it's really neat), who was a real person and a bishop (oh that pesky religion again!) and a saint and famous for giving secretly - alright, obviously not THAT secretly, but anyway, point is, I feel he's worth telling a story about to my kids. I guess I could somehow accept Santa as a wordly version of St. Nicholas but then there are all these stories about the elves and Mrs Santa Claus (brrrrr... vile!) and his ridiculous clothes, so nothing bishop-like at all. So Santa isn't a worthy representative of St. Nicholas and without that backstory he ends up being just a mediocre fairy tale and while that doesn't negate the actual Christmas story (you know that religious one) it distracts from it in a very unnecessary way. Basically, Santa can be in the mall and in the movies and the books but at the actual Christmas in my house I don't need him.
Only now I have American children and guess what? They love Santa! "Will Santa come to our house? He will, right?" "The one in the mall is a dressed up man, but the real Santa he lives on the North Pole, right?" "Can we watch Rudolph now? I love Santa!" Luckily for me my husband was never made to believe in Santa, so at least I had an ally there. We had decided early on to simply forgo the whole magical part of the who-brings-the-presents-story and just say that we get gifts for each other because we love each other. (I did however introduce St. Nicholas on Dec 6th and we fill the boots and "pretend" he brings it. I'm keeping it up for now because the kids like it, but I'll tell the truth if they ask. Also, in case I didn't emphasize this enough: St. Nicholas was a real person.) The kids are sort of fine with this, but actually they would really love Santa to bring the presents. It doesn't help that everywhere we go people ask them repeatedly what they want from Santa. Poor kids get this confused look on their face and glance at me with sad and guilty eyes and don't say anything. I nudge them to say what they want for Christmas, but no, usually they just stand there, confused. Of course I look like the bad one! Mean mommy! How could you deprive your kids of Santa and why don't your children know what they want, you probably don't let them play with toys at all! What is wrong with you? No, people don't say it, but I can feel the reproach in that awkward silence while we wait for my kids to say something, anything!
I sat the kids down once and I explained it all, about Jesus and what Christmas is and also about Santa, and how he is a nice story and people pretend he comes, but it's not real, yet we will not spoil anything for the kids who pretend. They listened and there was no objection but when I was done Ivan said: "But the Santa on the North Pole IS real and he will bring me presents!" I know how this happened and I was a good enough mother to not spoil his enthusiasm. I have come so far as to even agree that maybe the presents in the stockings will be from Santa, because the three-year-old will not let go and because he is the sweetest thing and I will not be the one to ruin his Christmas.
This will fall in that category of buying your daughter that hideous glittery polyester sweater because she truly does love it and you want to respect her taste, but it takes all the inner restraint you can muster to hand over the money. When I think of Santa, I think of grown men sweating in silly costumes and creepy dolls moving their butts back and forth to that abomination that is "Holly Jolly Christmas...". I can barely go there even just in my mind. I will let Santa come though and treat him politely as long as the kids enjoy him. But after that... we're through.
Posted at 07:50 PM on December 09, 2009
I feel ya, girl. Although, my kids are not gung-ho about Santa actually literally coming in and bringing their Christmas presents. We don't sign any gifts "from Santa," nor do we leave cookies out for him or leave boot prints in the fireplace or make jingle bells ring around midnight, or anything else to kind of trick them into thinking it's true. However, if my 4 year old asks me, which he occasionally does, "but Santa--not St. Nicholas, but Santa--is he really real?" I will just smile and sort of shrug my shoulders. (You know what? I would probably do that too if he asked me if Spiderman was really real.) See, even at 4 the vast difference btwn American Santa and the true living (in heaven) St. Nicholas is so obvious.
And yet, I'm the mean one (in some people's eyes) since I don't have them sitting down writing letters to Santa listing everything they want, and carting them to the mall to sit on some stranger's lap to tell him everything they want (and paying for an expensive picture, to boot).
I don't want to talk out of both sides of my mouth. On the Christian radio yesterday, I heard them say something about standing in long lines to get all the things we want...isn't it good to know that Christmas isn't even about all that? I thought to myself, Yes, it most certainly is. If you are out there actually doing that, then that IS what your Christmas is about. That IS what people, including many Christians, are doing to spend the majority of their "holiday" time--they are making lists, shopping, standing in lines, trying to beat everyone else to the doorbuster sales, spending hundreds of dollars, dreaming up all the things they want and what their friends, family, co-workers, neighbors, and dog groomers need for gifts.
I'm sorry for going on and on. And I *do* let my kids watch "Rudolph" and I enjoy it with them. But we watch that the same way we watch Looney Toons or Blues Clues or Charlie Brown's Christmas--we see it as a fantasy, for the sake of fun, and I'm not spending huge amounts of mental and physical energy trying to concoct ways to convince my children that it's all in fact TRUE. I think of Rudolph and Charlie Brown's Christmas (which of course ends with a redeeming and religious message) as holiday classics, but I will avoid Polar Express for as long as I live!
Very thoughtful post and I'm with you all the way.
I hear you on the confused faces when people ask "What is Santa bringing you?" I don't think my boys look sad, though, they're much too no-nonsense for that (and Kelvin is older too, almost 8). I hadn't thought much about the "mean mommy" vibe that we can get when people realize our family doesn't "do Santa." I guess we just don't interact enough with people to have that in our face that much. I do feel relieved to be reading your post in the "safety" of Christmas in Brazil -- not too much Santa here.
Oh, and in that sense, I don't feel that I really do have "American kids," so far they're mostly Brazilian and more "American-born," but I know that may change someday.