The Limitations of Medicine
Remember when I started running, almost a year ago? And when I started doing it competitively, even joking about running a marathon? Well, guess what? I ran on Monday. One mile. In 10 minutes, 52 seconds. (For those of you with no feel for running pace or distance in miles, that's really slow, as in Veronika will soon be able to run faster.) Beginning in March, I started getting shin splints in my left leg for no obvious reason (I hadn't recently increased my mileage or started running hills, changed shoes or surfaces, etc.). I took a week off but when I started running again, the pain came back. I saw a podiatrist that specializes in running and he looked at my feet, my shoes and my form, told me to stretch daily and take three weeks off, which I did. When I resumed running, the pain came back. Then he sent me to physical therapy, which I did for a while, during appointments and at home, only to have the pain return during a pick-up basketball game and set me even further back. So I took the entire summer off, did strengthening and stretching exercises nearly daily and finally started running a month ago, increasing a quarter-mile per week. I'm at one mile as of last week and trying to believe that the beginnings of pain that I'm feeling in my left leg are all in my head.
Then there's the RSI in my arms, which has been around for over a year now, but not for lack of seeking treatment on my part. I have been through a litany of doctor's appointments and ergonomic improvements and sought advice everywhere I could, but nothing has provided much relief.
These things are starting to add up and get me down. Everyone around me can run regularly, why can't I? Everyone at work can type for eight hours a day, why can't I? This feeling of being weak or injured makes it more difficult for me to deal with everyday stress and eventually starts nagging at my self-esteem. On top of that, I'm becoming exasperated at the medical establishment. If previous generations of men were criticized for not going to the doctor enough, then I am doing my best to make up for them, going at every opportunity. At first I thought my frustration was due to the "doctors have all the answers" attitude that I acquired growing up, that it was unrealistic to put them on such a pedestal. This is certainly true, but still I can't shake the feeling that given all the technology available today, these answers must be obtainable. If one doctor would be more concerned about finding a solution than getting me out of his office so he can see the next patient, I think answers would soon follow. I guess that's not profitable. I hate that I sound this cynical but I don't know how else to feel. I can understand thinking that my recreational injury (leg) isn't worth the investment, but what about the RSI that threatens my means of providing an income for my family? Can I get someone to care about that?
If only all appointments were as good as the one two weeks ago, when I got to see my son for the first time.