Equinox

There's something about autumn that makes me restless for change and that's saying a lot for me, not exactly a rolling stone. Maybe it's the engrained beginning-of-the-school-year feelings of new opportunities from my youth, or something deeper like the witness to the world around me slowly dying that inspires me to do more with my life before my leaves begin to fall. In any case, instead of cozying up for winter I'm trying to figure out how to direct the energy in my bones into positive change. I usually undertake projects and start ambitious books but my enthusiasm wanes as winter hardens, likely because these are just outlets and not the real change I'm looking for. Which makes sense, because I can't say exactly what that is.

So now my mind turns to the equinox just passed, when light and dark are in perfect balance, and I think of how easily I let my own life slip out of balance. Little concessions here and there add up and tip the scales. Not that achieving this balance is easy—like physical balance, it takes strength, coordination and concentration, all of which are made difficult by the fact that in general life will throw objects at you of various weights and at various rates. But with enough conscious practice, I have to believe that it's possible. I also think of Ramadan, which begins today and for a billion and a half people around the world means a month of mortification and spiritual reflection, and I think that this is the kind of training that gets you where you want to go, to achieve that balance.

It is on that note that my fall begins and on which I hope it will end, with perhaps some progress made in-between.